Wins and Fails

Today was a mix of wins and fails. I tend to be a very black and white thinker ... usually I'd let the fails be all I focued on; the positive things I do never matter unless I've done everything right. This attitude has prevented me from achieving much of anything in my entire life, and it's time I started working on it. Let's get a rundown on the good and the bad.

Wins:

• I went grocery shopping and have got enough food for the week.
• I did a fair bit of walking, which was unplanned, and improved my mood.
• I spent time with my grandmother, and helped my family by walking and feeding the dog and feeding the cats while they were away at a party.
• I made my mom a mix cd which she really enjoyed.
• I left my brother his favorite peanut-butter filled pretzels from TJ's on his pillow while I was over my family's house with a note that said "I <3 U."  (He's 14, I was trying to speak his language.)
• I was cordial to my mom's husband, which is a struggle (I may or may not get into that on this blog).
• I left my roommate a small gift with a funny note.
• I worked on planning a surprise party for my other roommate.
• I meditated this morning.

Fails:

• I didn't do my stretching exercises (I am hoping to do them later though, they really help me feel less tense/rigid).
• If you knew the last time I'd showered, you'd vomit in your mouth (another thing I plan to do later ... not vomit in my mouth, I'm going to shower, in case that was unclear).
• I've been festering on bad memories all day instead of completing the thought/memory and then letting it go, as my therapist and I have discussed. I've just been in a shit mood, and I realize that unproductively focusing on so much past negativity and pain has been a huge part of the reason why.
• I stuffed a brownie down my gullet that I saw in the fridge without really tasting or enjoying it. In that moment I was unable to control my behavior. The loss of control is what bothers me, not that I ate a brownie. I'll eat 12 fucking brownies if I want. I just hate the feeling of not making the choice. Also, I like to enjoy my food, and I didn't even TASTE this bitch.
• I didn't complete my MSW applications as I had intended to, and just don't have the energy to do it tonight.

I am going to attempt to give myself some credit for my positive accomplishments, and do my best to rectify what didn't work out. This is a new strategy for me, hopefully it'll yield some new results.