Crippled Inside

I came to work a half hour late today without having showered. I decided I'd rather eat breakfast and watch an episode of "House" on the DVR than be clean and punctual. At least I fed myself a healthy meal. And I did wash my face and put on my zit cream and brush my teeth. And I didn't call in sick. I picked up my computer about 12 times to e-mail my bosses that I was staying home, but I showed up. I also knocked into a kid trying to get on the train before the doors closed. (She didn't fall or anything, thank God.) I apologized twice but felt so bad that I cried for like 4 subway stops. Good thing no one in New York gives a shit. (Seriously, I mean that, in those moments I don't want to be bothered.) At any rate, you win some, you lose some. But I have to keep trying. Little things add up, so says my therapist. Any rituals I can maintain helps me to hang on to the life I want.

Rituals I have success with:
-Washing face AM/PM, acne cream, etc.
-Brush teeth 3x/day, floss 1x/day
-Eating a nutritious breakfast
-Meditation

Rituals I have a high failure rate with:
-Exercise (strength training, walking)
-Stretching/Relaxing exercises
-Eating a healthy lunch and dinner

Most days lately I want to curl up into a ball and hide from the world. One thing you can't hide, is when you're crippled inside.